


All According to Plan

by gyruum



Category: Glee, Glee RPF
Genre: Comedy, F/F, Roleplay, Roleplaying Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-01
Updated: 2011-09-01
Packaged: 2017-10-23 07:47:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/247900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gyruum/pseuds/gyruum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two women, a cop uniform, and a car in the middle of nowhere. What could possibly go wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	All According to Plan

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a [delicious Officer Lopez fic](http://dottiep.tumblr.com/post/9615967368) by dottiep. I decided the Faberry version would be a lot clumsier :-)

The Prius pulled over to the side of the abandoned California highway. They were miles from anything, out alone among the sparse bushes, distant hills, and dusty side roads. Even at night, there was no danger of running into anything or anyone. Not out here. The speed limit was 70, but Rachel Berry had easily been doing 85. Something she may now regret.

She squinted to see if she could make out the officer approaching her vehicle. Her tail lights gave a red glow to the reflections off the chrome motorcycle. There were no street lights this far out; those disappeared twenty miles back. Her shame was well hidden in the shadows of dusk.

The dark uniform approached. Rachel watched the woman's torso in her side view mirror as it neared. She couldn't tell if it was a gun or a baton on the woman's belt, but either way, she was nervous.

Three taps at the window. "Ma'am?"

Rachel held the button down as the barrier slowly lowered with a hum. She could now see the woman was blonde, short, and the hottest cop she'd ever seen. Choosing between speaking coherently and making eye contact, Rachel lowered her eyes and spoke nervously.

"Good evening, officer. What seems to be the problem?"

"License and registration, please." The cop was no-nonsense and seemed thoroughly agitated to be given middle-of-nowhere detail on a Saturday night.

Rachel fumbled for her purse on the floor of the passenger seat and dug through it anxiously. She searched for almost a full minute before freezing in fear.

"My wallet's not here."

The cop sighed. "Maybe it fell out on the floor," she offered.

Rachel stretched as far as her seat-belt would allow, digging desperately under the seats, then finally undid the belt to relieve the tension against her belly. The officer sighed again and waited. Another minute passed.

"Honey, did you leave it on the counter?" the blonde asked.

Rachel shot up, startled, and banged her head on the rear view mirror with a thud. "Damnit!" She turned to face the cop and whispered angrily, " _don't break character!_ "

Dianna laughed and regained her composure. "Miss, without any identification, I'm afraid I need to ask you to come with me."

"But, why!" Lea maintained her best Rachel Berry dramatics. "I've done nothing wrong! This is my vehicle! I may not be able to prove it right now, but it is! Call whoever you need to, but I'm not getting out of this car. You don't have a warrant."

Dianna raised her eyebrows and made a face like she'd just seen a puppy trying to climb stairs and failing. She cleared her throat and got serious again. "I don't need a warrant for that, miss. Please step out of the car. I will use force if I have to."

A fleeting grin crossed Lea's face, but she recovered immediately and resumed looking scared as she slowly opened the door. She swung her left leg out and stepped into the soft sand. The three-inch heel of her Stiletto planted deep and sunk as she stood on it. Her weight continued forward, and, with her foot stuck, she rolled on her ankle. She screamed, but Dianna caught her.

"Oh my god, are you okay?" the cop asked, reaching down to free the shoe. She wondered what the hell Lea had worn these shoes for in the first place. They were hardly good for driving, and it was getting too dark to see much of anything they were wearing. But then, this had been a bit of an ill-conceived plan from the start. A fun way to spend a Saturday night, they thought. Liven up their sex life a bit with some role play. What could go wrong? Dianna had borrowed the motorcycle from Cory for their little scheme but hadn't taken into account how exactly she would pull over Lea's car. Without a siren or horn, she'd been forced to flash her headlight, rev the engine, and eventually wave her arms to get Lea's attention. Thank god there'd still been a hint of daylight. It had been a long drive to their arranged spot, yes, but did Lea _have_ to be lost in her Funny Girl soundtrack every time she got in the car? Then again, Rachel Berry was pretty oblivious to things, she mused.

"Thank you, Officer..." Rachel prompted, brushing off her dress as she stepped carefully onto the firm concrete.

"Fabray. You're welcome." Dianna seemed to be waiting to see if Lea still wanted to go through with this, having now injured herself twice in a span of three minutes.

A pause. "Officer Fabray, I honestly don't know what you expect me to do without my wallet, and you don't even have a police car, much less a radio, it seems, so I hardly think you can call this in. And you haven't even told me what I did wrong, so if you're going to write me a ticket, I need to know what my alleged crimes are."

Dianna wanted so badly to say, "Driving in ridiculous shoes while intoxicated on showtunes" or "excessively adorable clumsiness during role playing," but refrained. "Speeding," she said. "85 in a 70. Very dangerous, you know."

"I'm sorry, officer, you're right. I was in a hurry. I'm running late for a very important engagement, as you can tell by my amazing outfit, and I confess I didn't expect to get caught out here. I would be greatly appreciative if you could just let me off with a warning this time. My record is impeccable, though you of course can't confirm that right now, but I promise you that it is. I've never had a ticket before and I'm a most excellent driver."

Dianna laughed heartily. "That is so not true!"

"Shh!" Lea hissed, flapping her hands. "Officer Fabray doesn't know that!"

"You just lied to a police officer!" Dianna laughed in disbelief.

"Not really! And at least I'm staying in character. You haven't been very Quinn-like this whole time, and I'm cold and I'm hungry and I just want to be kissing already. And my ankle hurts." Lea pouted a little.

Dianna had a choice. She could throw the bike in the back and drive her girlfriend home, make some dinner, and take good care of her in a variety of ways. It was tempting. Or, she could follow their plan and maybe take Lea's mind off things for a little while.

"Please turn and put your hands on the vehicle, miss," she said in her sternest voice.

Lea gave her a 'what are you _doing_ , you sneaky girl,' glance, then did as she was told. She could hear the woman slowly walking up behind her, but she didn't dare turn her head to look. Soon, Officer Fabray was pressed against her back and breathing into her ear, stroking her fingers down Rachel's arms to the spread hands against cold metal.

"No wallet, no regard for the law," she whispered into the dark hair. "I think it's time somebody taught you a lesson."

With a click, she closed a handcuff around Rachel's right wrist and latched the other to the Prius's roof rack.

"What?! What are you doing? You can't do that! Am I under arrest? You didn't read me my rights!" Rachel spewed, more scared than angry.

Quinn Fabray stepped in close to pin Rachel against the car, her black, costume-shop uniform fitting tightly in all the right places. She put one hand on her holster, which Lea could now see held a phallic vibrator, should Dianna choose to get particularly frisky.

"You have the right to remain silent," Quinn said, not taking her eyes off Rachel's. "But I really, _really_ hope you don't."

She kissed Rachel hard, pressing their bodies together, and began slipping a hand into the top of Rachel's dress.

"Ow, ow, ow!" Rachel mumbled into the kiss, as she yanked her cuffed hand in vain. "Wait, honey, my arm's twisted."

They broke the kiss and Dianna stepped back to give her girlfriend some room. After a readjustment, they tried again. Rachel found that with her right arm cuffed, she was putting more weight on her left leg, which was of course the sore ankle.

"Ow, goddamnit," she mumbled again. "Here, what if I put my leg up like this." Rachel wrapped her left leg around the officer and tried to keep her balance by pulling on the cuff. It worked well enough, as long as the ring didn't slide on the rail, and Quinn's hands all over her was distraction enough from the awkwardness and pain. Soon Rachel felt a warm hand sliding between her legs and rocking her intensely. The car moved with them, side to side as Quinn pumped, and suddenly Rachel felt her center of gravity start shifting.

"Oh my god! Di! Help!"

The car was slowly rolling forward and dragging Lea with it. Apparently in her distress about the missing wallet, she had neglected to put the car properly into park. Fortunately, it was not moving so fast that Dianna couldn't outrun it. She swiftly opened the door, climbed in the driver's seat, and put on the brakes. Lea's body lurched, and she grunted as she landed on the bad ankle again.

"Are you okay?" Dianna found herself asking for the second time tonight. Lea was shaken up, but not any more injured. They both wanted to burst into laughter at the evening they were having, but didn't want to pull the other too far out of their fantasy. They bit their lips and suppressed it, regaining their composure yet again.

Slipping back into Officer Fabray, she said softly, "well, it's definitely in park this time."

They began kissing again, and Dianna found herself finally appreciating Lea's wardrobe choices. The dress easily unhooked and slid off her body, not requiring her cuffed arm. Soon Officer Fabray had her arrested citizen naked and spread against the side of the car, face buried between her legs, one of which was wrapped around her head. By her estimate, her girlfriend was halfway to her orgasm when they heard the engine in the distance.

"Oh my god, someone's coming!" Lea cried. "Where's the key?"

"I've got it, I've got it," Dianna said, frantically trying to remember which pocket the tiny thing was in. She pulled a handful of items from her left pants pocket and quickly searched the contents in the dark.

"No."

They could see headlights now, getting closer.

"I think I dropped it."

"WHAT?!" Lea tried stepping aside to magically reveal it in the grass and sand, but it was no use. Dianna searched the ground with her hands as Lea tried pulling her dress up one-handed. "Help me!"

"I'm trying to find the key!" Dianna retorted.

The approaching car was now slowing and parking a hundred feet behind Dianna's motorcycle. The headlights cast them in a bright glare, perfectly illuminating the scene. Lea, cuffed, stark naked with her dress around her ankles, lipstick smudged and mortified. Dianna, on all fours, rummaging in the dirt, staining the costume with a sex toy in holster.

They heard the man before they saw him.

"Can I help you ladies?"

Dianna let out a hurried, "ohmygod" under her breath upon seeing the officer -- a _real_ officer -- walking toward them.

"We're fine, sir! Thank you!" she said, standing up quickly to hide her naked girlfriend. Everything was normal here, yep.

The old man stopped and raised one eyebrow. "You don't look fine, if you don't mind me saying." A pause. "You a cop?"

It was in this moment that Dianna remembered impersonating an officer of the law could be considered a crime. "Oh, no sir, just a costume! We were on our way to a party and got a little lost. We figured it out, though. Yay for GPS." She gave an unconvincing laugh.

He continued staring at Lea, who was simply smiling and trying to act perfectly natural while very carefully inching her dress up behind Dianna's back. "Yes sir, we're fine. We were just trying out the handcuffs from the costume -- "

Dianna shot her a _shut up!_ look, but Lea continued.

"-- and we dropped the key, and then my dress came unhooked, and my friend here was just trying to find the hook and the key on the ground. Thank you for your concern. Have a great night!"

"Would you like me to call someone?" he asked, still not coming any closer. "If they're regulation handcuffs, I can get a master key."

Dianna blushed. "They're from the dollar store."

Lea now glared at her.

"Well." The officer thought for a moment. "Maybe something in my toolbox will cut through them. Hang on."

Dianna rushed to help Lea get dressed as he dug around in his trunk. They whispered hurriedly to each other, "What were you thinking?! Why did you say that!" and "Shh, he'll hear you!" and "Oh, like he doesn't know what we're really doing out here."

They silenced and beamed innocent smiles as the cop lumbered over with some large pliers. With a snap, he cut through the chain to free Lea from the car.

"You'll still need to find the key," he said, "or take a hacksaw to it."

Lea jumped in, "We have another set just like it at home, so we can just use that key." Dianna shot her another look. "Thank you so much!"

The cop nodded and headed back to his car. As he opened the door to climb in, he called out, "next time, just get a hotel room."

The cuff rattled along the roof rack the whole way home.


End file.
